Feelings about leaving Cape Town….
I can say, with full sincerity, that I am not at all prepared to leave Cape Town in eighteen days. And furthermore, the thought frightens and deeply saddens me. I have come to feel at home in South Africa. I love the relaxed and happy lifestyle I lead here. I deeply cherish my experience at Sonke and the time I have spent with the amazing friends I have made in Cape Town.
For a while, I thought that I would be staying in Cape Town for an extra month. I used this belief to ignore the idea that, at some point, I would have to leave and go back to my old life. Recently, I learned that I would not be able to stay and, all of a sudden, it truly hit me: this is it, the “final stretch”. The thought hit me like a punch in the stomach.
I have absorbed into this lifestyle so completely that I cannot imagine anything else. I have become aware of and have changed my attitude on so many issues. I do not how I will react or what I will do when I return to the US. I have many worries about adjusting back to my less exciting life in New York. Will I feel differently towards activities and things I used to enjoy? Will I feel that I cannot relate to the people I was once closest to? Will I feel frustrated at the waste full, sexist and racist culture that surrounds me? Will I be annoyed with and question everything (as I have learned to do here)? And the thought that scares me the most: will I forget how much I love it here and go back to being absorbed by a less fulfilling, less meaningful and lazier way of life? Although I have all of these worries clouding my mind, I have come to reach one point of clarity: I have changed for the better during my time here.
I plan to utilize my last few weeks here in the most productive way possible. For once in my life, I am able to appreciate and savor each moment, realizing how lucky and purely happy I am. This opportunity does not present itself often and I’m excited for each moment in the next eighteen days. I will ALWAYS remember these last two and half weeks and the value of really living in the moment. If there is one thing that I am sure about in leaving this country, it is that I love it and will be returning in the future.
