The decisions we make are not always as easy or inconsequential as they may initially seem. A simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ can change the entire course of a day, week, year and our lives. Recently, I have been thinking about this, the choices we make, why we settle on one way or another, and how those decisions affect us. With some reflection, I have come to realize that the majority of the time I have been very happy with the choices I have made while other times I wish I had decided a bit differently…There are a number of great activities I have participated in and decisions I have made that I have learned a tremendous amount from. For one, as Rachel previously blogged, one night after dinner at the house, a group of us piled into Ben’s car to go on a Magnum ice cream run and ended up seeing Morgan Freeman and Clint Eastwood filming right on Durban Road. We of course had a natural reaction: freaked out and stalked them for a little over an hour. The point here is not about our star-struck behavior but rather that if I had not made that seemingly small and insignificant decision to go in the car instead of call Mr. Delivery then I would not have had an awesome celebrity sighting. Clearly, that was an outcome that made me very happy as Morgan Freeman is one of my favorite actors and I now have endless material to tell highly-fabricated stories. Yet, my semester has not gone without a few wow, I really wish I had not done that moments.
Last week, during my lunch break at Place of Hope I happened to have one of those moments. I walked into the study where I eat and keep my bag. When I got to the doorway I saw one of the residents waiting on the couch. I assumed that she was about to have a meeting so, not wanting to interrupt, I quickly left the room. In that split second standing in the doorway I thought I saw she was crying so I popped back in to ask if everything was alright. She nodded yes in a way that clearly meant no, I’m not okay. At that moment, I didn’t know how to react; if I should go in and talk to her or leave. A number of thoughts raced through my mind and eventually I decided to leave. For some reason – maybe ignorance, fear or insecurity – I made an easy decision into a challenging one. I was immediately and continue to be disappointed with my choice. If I could change one thing about what I’ve done here, that would be it. I wish that I did not turn and leave but rather stayed to chat.
While this has not been the cheeriest of blog entries I do believe that it is an important one nonetheless. I am upset, but not defeated. Now I find myself with a new challenge, which is to try to understand why I reacted the way I did and of course, to choose differently should a similar circumstance ever arise.
