Emily G and Steph O taking a stand!
Last Wednesday was my first time participating in a workshop sponsored by Sonke Gender Justice Network. My colleagues, Leo, Max, and Mzamu facilitated the workshop that took place in the Township of Khayelitsha at the Black House Shebeen. The purpose of the workshop was to educate men on gender based violence through the One Man Can Campaign.
The workshop began at around 11am in the morning. The men gathered around drinking beers and conversing with one another before the workshop began. The first activity that was facilitated was laying out the ground rules. Everyone was able to voice their opinion regarding what ground rules they valued the most. Some men suggested respecting each other’s opinions, while others suggested that one should not hold back their opinions. Later, after the ground rules the pre-test began. The pre-test asked each participant questions which they had the option to agree with or disagree. Some of the questions that were asked included: Men are more clever than women; Under some circumstances it is acceptable for men to beat their partners; It is possible for a woman to be raped by her husband; Men have the right to decide when to have sex with their partner; and there is nothing I can personally do to prevent gender-based violence in my community.
As I looked down at my own pre-test form I chuckled to myself, thinking that these questions had obvious answers. Well of course under NO circumstances is it acceptable for men to beat their partners, I thought to myself. My curiosity drew my eyes to other people’s papers to peek at their responses. Suddenly, my heart sank. The men around me were marking “agree” next to many of the questions that, in my opinion, “were obvious disagree answers.” It was as if reality was slapping me in the face. These are real perceptions held by millions of men around the world, whether I agree with them of not.
As a student of women’s studies and sociology I found it surprising that my initial reaction was shock. After semesters spent researching statistics and reading articles regarding gender based violence, why was I so shocked by these men’s perceptions after all? It was then that I realized that it was because it was the first time that I had to deal with the truth about living in a patriarchal society face to face. It was as if this experience had taken every lesson that I had learned from a piece of paper and transformed it into life. The next activity invited the participants to stand on different corners of the Shebeen according to their agreement with the stated statement. After choosing sides, the participants were encouraged to share their opinions and reasoning’s with the other participating members of the workshop. One of the questions asked was, “If you buy a woman a drink, are you entitled to have sexual intercourse with her afterwards?” The room split, and many of the men stood proud under the “Strongly Agree” sign that hung above their heads. “I’m not spending for free,” one of them shouted. There was laugher in the room, but I did not find it amusing. I felt so angry inside, but I knew that my feelings had to be explored. I could not judge this situation until after I had processed it.
The next question split the room 50-50, Leo asked if a woman is walking around at night wearing a short skirt, was she inviting rape? Some men responded yes, because they believed that “women were powerless, and men are not.” Other’s claimed that “women have beautiful legs and as men, they could not control their feelings.” Even some women in the group agreed, they claimed that women should know better than to walk around alone in the dark wearing a short skirt. Finally, a young man with dreads drinking a Black label beer stood strong against all odds and claimed that “just because a woman is weak doesn’t mean that you should take advantage.” I felt relief that this man had shared his opinion.
I was unable to stay for the entire workshop, but the long ride back to Loch Rd allowed me to reflect on what I had just experienced. I knew that I felt anger and despair in a room full of victims of a patriarchal society. But my biggest realization was that at least here in South Africa, Gender based violence is talked about. Conversely in the States, I have never in my entire life heard a man admit that gender-based violence is acceptable. Yet, it happens every day. Why is it that we claim to have come so far, when we as women cannot walk around the UCONN campus freely in the dark? We claim that women have rights in the states, but we don’t even have equal pay. So here I am, again reminded by South Africa, that the struggle for a more egalitarian society continues on a global scale. We must never forget that your struggle is our struggle, and from one another we can further educate ourselves.
Sonke Gender Justice Network ONE MAN CAN Campaign
