Steph O & Hannah participating in a workshop at Sonke Gender Justice Network
As I crossed the commons on Wednesday morning on my way to the train station, I secretly wished that I was back at the house. Barely recovered from my illness and frazzled by the possible riots due to the minibus strike, the last place I wanted to be heading was Sonke’s office. I sat quietly on the train to Cape Town jealous of Dan who was going to picket in front of Parliament. For a moment, I saw myself outside of Parliament with him instead of being boxed in by four walls. Hannah on the other hand, had a huge grin on her face -- something told me today wouldn’t be such a waste of my time after all.
Once at work, Hannah and I walked into a room full of unfamiliar faces. They were all sitting in a circle having a discussion. Some of them greeted us immediately, while others smiled at us from across the room. Nervous that I was interrupting, I found an empty seat and quickly took it. The room was filled with laughter and I realized an exercise was taking place. Three men stood in the middle of the circle to reenact a childhood game. I scanned my memory for clues by which to classify the game and immediately came to the conclusion that the game was: Double Dutch.
The jumper leapt in a controlled manner, precisely timing each jump with cautiousness. In the midst of my laughter I felt nostalgia for the simple days of Elementary school. After they were done playing, we proceeded to analyze the gender roles, stereotypes, and norms that are developed in these harmless games. One after another, volunteers shared their thoughts and memories that had seeped back into consciousness.
Our next topic of discussion was violence. We were all asked to attempt to draw the violence we had caused against others, and the acts of violence that had affected us in one way or another. I walked to the middle of the circle where the colored pencils sat, waiting to be picked up. I picked yellow, teal and orange, colors that reminded me of summer. I chose the teal color pencil and waited for ideas to ooze out of my mind – but none came. Hmm… violence? I had never been a victim of physical violence in my life, what would I draw? Yet, the deeper I dug inside my mind around the meaning of violence, I began to identify other types of violence – emotional, verbal. By the end of the exercise, the “art work” on my paper seemed a little out of place outlined by bright, summer colors.
Once we were done with our illustrations, we broke off into groups to share our experiences. The women formed one group and the men broke up into three separate groups. We concluded the activity by presenting to the entire group our feelings regarding violence. As women, we were able to hear the men’s perspective of violence. They expressed the pressures they receive from society to be “men.” They shared the authority that they once felt when they had power over people, and the pain that they felt when they acknowledged it was wrong. They described themselves as “monsters” and “dinosaurs” – less then human. As men, they were also able to hear our perspectives of violence. We explained the pain, helplessness and fear we have felt. We explained the reasoning behind staying in abusive relationships, that society had subtly socialized us to believe that we could change this type of behavior. We all understood each other and I appreciated everyone’s honesty.
Friday was the last day of the curriculum. As a final reflection we were asked to write a letter addressed to ourselves (and no one else). We were to remind ourselves what this curriculum had taught us, and what we would take away from it. The room was quiet as everyone poured their thoughts out on paper. I lay on the carpet and began to reflect on the past week… I attempted to process this experience for the first time.
“Dear steph,
What will you take away from this experience? I feel that this curriculum has allowed me to really get to know my colleagues. Their thoughts, feelings, and fears were all audaciously shared with the group. I have learned that there are wonderful men out there who just need a little push in the right direction. Men who aspire to be better people and who are genuinely trying to break social norms. These men deeply love their families and will go great lengths to be better fathers, better sons, better partners. Change is possible. I have learned that I can trust men to be honest and sincere – something women struggled with everyday. "
This workshop has also shown me another aspect of the NGO world that I hope I can incorporate into my future. I have realized that education is the only way to bring about change. I have realized that my passion is in this – working one on one with people. Ubuntu, you know? I am because we are.
I did not participate in this workshop because I believed that my minimal textbook knowledge on Gender politics would help these men. Instead I participated to be an observer and take in as much as I could. I observed these men open up slowly to a group of people, like flowers bloom in spring. Perhaps they were terrified of judgments, but they did not hold back. They gave me an opportunity to learn from them. As Vernon said to us in class, we cannot save South Africa… all I can do is learn from all the courageous people that surround me.
I feel extremely lucky to be a part of a new movement, that has not been tried before. I believe that including men in the struggle to achieve gender equality will be more efficient than pointing the finger and blaming them. Working together is possible and extremely important.
“Dear steph,
What will you take away from this experience? I feel that this curriculum has allowed me to really get to know my colleagues. Their thoughts, feelings, and fears were all audaciously shared with the group. I have learned that there are wonderful men out there who just need a little push in the right direction. Men who aspire to be better people and who are genuinely trying to break social norms. These men deeply love their families and will go great lengths to be better fathers, better sons, better partners. Change is possible. I have learned that I can trust men to be honest and sincere – something women struggled with everyday. "
This workshop has also shown me another aspect of the NGO world that I hope I can incorporate into my future. I have realized that education is the only way to bring about change. I have realized that my passion is in this – working one on one with people. Ubuntu, you know? I am because we are.
I did not participate in this workshop because I believed that my minimal textbook knowledge on Gender politics would help these men. Instead I participated to be an observer and take in as much as I could. I observed these men open up slowly to a group of people, like flowers bloom in spring. Perhaps they were terrified of judgments, but they did not hold back. They gave me an opportunity to learn from them. As Vernon said to us in class, we cannot save South Africa… all I can do is learn from all the courageous people that surround me.
I feel extremely lucky to be a part of a new movement, that has not been tried before. I believe that including men in the struggle to achieve gender equality will be more efficient than pointing the finger and blaming them. Working together is possible and extremely important.
